fuckyeahbodypositive

My Epiphany

Hi! I’m Ellie, 18, and last night I had an epiphany about myself. It was such a big moment to me, I immediately wrote a passage about it so as not to forget the feeling; I just wanted to share that passage with this gorgeous blog :) Thank you. <3

 ”Today, as I washed my hands in the bathroom, I glanced in the mirror directly in front of me. I check my reflection countless times in a day, a habit born out of conscientious vanity, but this time was different. I looked in the mirror, and I took in the clusters of spots on my jaw and forehead, the slightly-sickly paleness of my bare complexion, the chapped, broken skin on my lips, my tea-stained teeth, my crooked jaw, the tinge of red in my eyes and the perpetual circles of bruise-coloured skin below them, my frizzy grown-out haircut, the little circle bit that gives my nose it’s strange shape, the tiny frown lines near my hairline, the way my eyes crinkle and my cheeks dimple as I smile. Today I took them all in, and I genuinely smiled. How many times I’ve picked these out in my reflection before this moment in distain and depression. How many times I’ve seen these flaws and imperfections and spitefully accused myself of being unattractive, like a deliberate and disgusting crime. 

Today, I smiled, because I’d caught myself off-guard. I took in the imperfections of the reflection I hadn’t yet remembered I was supposed to be critical of, I noted them all as flaws, and then, quite suddenly, I simply wondered why I assumed flaws to be so shameful. Yes, they were flaws, but why did that make them ugly? Why did that make me ugly? I took a breath in which I made myself aware of every single flaw of the face staring back at me, and I cherished them. Not in a deliberate, theatrical gesture of desperate self-empowerment, just a slow breath in and out; because I genuinely felt them worth cherishing. Now I glance back at the scared and insecure girl in the mirror, and I feel a guilt so strong it makes me tear up. “I’m so sorry,” I think; “You are beautiful.” And with the same uncertain, teary eyes half-hidden under her too-long fringe, she meets my gaze and smiles gratefully back at me.”